I’m Home

Surgery went well, and we came home yesterday instead of today. The dr took out a bone that he called a Boon and Crockett bone. I had no idea what that meant so if any of you do…awesome. It was the size of a quarter and was floating around. He thought it was attached so as far as grinding it out that wasn’t necessary. He also cut the tendon to relieve my Tarsal Tunnel syndrome. The bone was rubbing on the same tendon that he cut so he was able to fix both issues with 1 surgery!

I am sore and hate being laid up like this. Hubby is off to work today, kids will be off to school in a bit and I will be left to fend for myself I am thinking. I am trying to be creative on how to take a shower without getting everything all wet. It will be interesting I am sure. I have a ton of questions for the nurse/doctor today. My dear hubby didn’t ask any questions and the nurse pushed me right out the door so now I am in pain where I am not sure I have an incision, and it feels like I am bleeding and I am thinking that is not good. Otherwise things are good and the kids are being so helpful. Although Beau won’t come near me. Maybe by tomorrow. This will help his independence I hope. We have realized just how spoiled that little one is.

Surgery

Surgery is slated for tomorrow morning.  I need to be there at 7:30 AM.  I was hoping Cody and I could’ve left early so we could catch a movie and dinner but that doesn’t look to be the case. 

I had a melt down on Saturday.  I hate asking anyone for help especially when I talk to them it doesn’t seem like they are at all excited or willing to help.  It’s more like out of necessity and bragging rights.  My mom teased me with the fact that she thought she could come to our house (yes it’s a 5 hr trip) to babysit our kids for a couple hours in the morning and evening.  Then she calls the very next day, although I appreciate the prompt response, and says no that she can’t swing it.  She hasn’t hardly helped me out since I moved out when I was 18.  My sister watched the kids when I had the kids, although my mom lived in the same town.  She did come up to help me with Blaker when I had him.  He is now 10 almost 11.  I was so let down and upset and Cody doesn’t understand why I let this get to me.  I don’t know either.  It would’ve made things so much easier for me and the kids to all be together and in their own beds.  Now, I bet I come home to cranky kids. 

I will be reaey to come home, I already am.  Watching Blake get more stressed by the day has bothered me about going.  Our little Chip dog has been missing for 2 days now and it doesn’t look promising about finding him.  Maybe today though.  Blake is worried about me I know he is.  He is trying to be tough but it’s not working very well.  I hope to say bye to him and he be okay and willing to help with his little brother.  Beau doesn’t care at all.  He is looking forward to his first sleep over!  He is loving it!  Bailee will be fine, she is a strong independant little gal! 

I am off to get my day started. I did schedule a pedicure with the help from a gift certificate, if I can’t wear makeup (which anyone who knows me, knows I will put foundation on) I will have pretty toes.  At least they are cutting my ankle, my toes won’t be affected!

The Latest

I have 3 days and counting until I go into surgery to fix my foot/ankle.  I am so anxious about this.  Cody and I haven’t left the kids in 4 years.  We went to Vegas in Dec 04!  The kids stayed with their Aunt Netty and I didn’t really have to worry about anything.  Now they are staying with friends which I feel I will owe for them doing this for me. 

 

I will hear about how much they helped me for here on out.  In the words of my hubby..who cares?  I do sadly, but I don’t have much choice.  It’s amazing to me how often I helped them with no complaints attached, but this will be different.  It will be one person who will have 1 of my children that everywhere we go, including my place of employment in which I will hear ” I had to take her kid and I was so helpful, I fed and made sure the homework was done etc…” Let’s never mind the fact that my kids hardly talk (except for at home) they eat like birds and they will be in school all day.  I appreciate the help and I will try not to care whether or not I have to hear about it. 

 

At least I won’t have to worry about any of our kids being taken good care of because they will be.  I do owe these people I consider friends who are helping me out!  I don’t know how to repay them at all.  Do I make meals for them since they are feeding our kids?  I have no clue how to repay in situations such as these. 

 

I am a little anxious about this surgery and pray that I will be pain free but will my foot and ankle be better, worse or the same?  I guess time will tell.  They will be taking out an extra bone I have in the back of my ankle that rubs on the tendon that runs from the calf to the big toe, along with that they will be able to fix my Tarsal Tunnel.  That is why I am hoping to feel like a whole new woman! 

 

That’s it for the update from me!  I hope to be better about posting on a more regular basis.

Update

I am terrible about keeping up with blogs.  I just am having a hard time finding the time after I want to check my emails and just the general internet stuff.  I have been spending a bit more time on the computer due to the fact that I joined Self.com fitness tracker.  I have decided I am going to stop this muffin top I am getting.  I am seeing love handles and a pooch to my tummy.  This has never happened to me so I am wondering why now when I am doing all these things that are so good for me.

I quit smoking 3 months ago, I feel very good about it yet I miss it at times. I have been particularly stressed and it’s wearing on me and that is where I miss that cig.  I have also been faithful about my workouts for the past 3 months.  Doing the 30 day shred from Jillian Michaels which still kicks my ass and I started that in June.  I am not shredded either.  I am thinking I was suppose to do it every day for 30 days, but I don’t.  I do it 3-4 times a week and I call it good.  I started running as well, since everything I read is about doing cardio to lose belly fat.  Running is going good and a good stress reliever for me, however it kills my foot.  Anything at this point is killing my foot anyways so what does it matter?  I figure I am better off killing my foot to make my heart, lungs and the rest of my body healthy.  I am headed back to the dr on the 16th of October and we will see what he has to say about it. 

The kids are well.  I had Blake’s CST/IEP this past Wednesday.  That means I got the results from his Child Study Team report that is done by the school psychologist and we went over his Individualized Education Plan as well.  He has a learning disability and has to go to the resource room for reading.  It was a great meeting even though I hate having them because somewhere along the line I messed his life up for him.   I don’t know where I went wrong but I did.  He is not a content happy child.  He is a perfectionist and it’s so hard to deal with.  To watch and listen to him at times is painful cuz he just can’t be a kid.  The psychologist suggested some counseling to help him deal with that part of his personality and I am checking into it.  I am a little scared the counselor will tell me how I damaged my child by the way I have raised him so far and i am not sure I can handle much more guilt.  If it’s best for him I will do it and say screw it to my pride. 

Beau started kindergarten and he is hell on wheels.  He is doing well and he loves school.  He is doing well.  They go all day every day.  He is pretty tired by the time we get home but it’s not bad, and every week gets better.  Now if I can just get a handle on his behavior I would have it made.  I think he is the hard core definition of strong willed.  He about beats me down but never has done it yet!  Good thing the short guy is so darn cute!

Bailee is good.  She is in 2 dance classes she likes a lot.  School is good for her and she in enjoying being in 4th grade.  She has another male teacher and she has decided that she likes that.  Not many students in this town can say they have had 2 male teachers in their primary grades.  She is so easy going, no complaints, or worries with her as of this moment.

I am off for another day of work!  I ma just glad it’s Friday and we have the weekend. My house is needing some attention that is for sure!  That is our update as boring as it is.  Yet, on the other hand, I like it that way.

It’s Time

I have decided since I get to actually stay at home today, that it’s time for an update.

August was filled with craziness even though school hadn’t started.  I started working and this school year I have 2 new bosses.  A new principal and a new superintendent.  They are great people and good to work with, I don’t know why I had lost sleep almost the whole week before.  School has since started and things are going good.  Crazy but a good crazy.

The county fair was over Labor day weekend.  It went really well.  This was Bailee’s first year and she did great.  Blake had an awesome fair as well.  He was Grand Champion Showman for sheep and got reserve Grand Champion in poultry showmanship.  He got 2 purple ribbons for his cooking projects and Bailee got a purple and a blue.  Purple being the best, then blue, then red, then white.  That is how the ribbons go.  They get paid a premium for each ribbon they get.  The higher the ribbon the more they make.  they sold their lambs and it was hard to say good bye to Bay (Bailee’s lamb) and Larry the Cable Sheep.  I did remind them how much they made at the sale.  Blake got $8.75 per pound (Larry weighed in at 122 and Bailee got $7 per pound for Bay. (Bay weighed in at 107).  Even though feed was out the roof this year they still made some good money. 

My baby started school this past week.  What a sad yet such an exiting time.  I swear I would never be out of toddler hood, now all my kids are in school all day.  I am thinking of taking a personal day and sitting at home to see how it would be.  I bet I would be sad for the most part cuz it reminds me how much older I am, how so soon my kids will actually be out of my house.  Beau loves school and was quite frustrated when they didn’t use their pencils for like 2 days.  He had just colored and used his crayons and apparently to him that was not what school was about.  I am just happy he is doing well. 

Today marks the day that my dad died 2 years ago.  I can’t believe he has really been gone for 2 years.  I miss him so much, there have been so many times that I would want to call him and be reminded that I can’t.  His death was so premature and I can’t believe that it’s so hard to deal with even after all this time. 

My kids are now beckoning me to help them with their record books…that is the down fall to 4-H these darn record books.  They certainly are a struggle to get the kids to get done.

Uneasy Feeling

Does anyone else ever get uneasy feelings and aren’t sure why?  I have felt fairly uneasy and cranky for almost 2 weeks now.  Last week I couldn’t sleep and I thought it was nerves because I started work this week with a new boss.  I am still feeling uneasy and I can’t put my finger on it.

I have thought about this a lot, and it’s fairly distracting.  Am I unhappy with my life?  In some ways yes, I live with my husband who is unhappy in his work, my kids are always fighting and lipping off to me.  I know they are testing boundaries, but dang they will respect me and their father (yes I said father cuz he doesn’t demand it the way I do)  so I parent for both of us.  I have told them I won’t lay off this particular matter so why can’t you just not back talk me?  Not so easy I guess.

I have a job I love, a boss I am getting to know and we will get along well.  So it’s not work.  We don’t own our own home and I don’t know how we ever will.  $100,000 only gets you 1bedroom, maybe 2 and 1 bath….$250,000 will get us more of what we would need…notice I didn’t say want, I said need.  Craziness.  Yes I don’t want the responsibility of my own house.  It’s nice for someone else to fix the things wrong with it with their own money.

I have quit smoking and started exercising a lot more.  I thought being healthy was suppose to make you feel better?  Guess not, although I think about having a cigarette, I can’t make myself actually go and buy one.  Today is 30 days since my last cig and I am very proud of myself, yet still feeling uneasy.

Maybe its the fact I don’t have friends here.  I know lots of people and like a lot of them.  I have friends but they seem to be seasonal, which is part my fault I know.  I have asked several people to go to lunch, go for a drink to no avail.  I was always bad about asking anyone to do anything with me and now I know why. 

I think I will head to Utah to see my bestest friend and hang out and maybe during the drive I can figure it out! I would love to go without the kids but that seems so selfish of me.  Besides our boys are the same age and they would be disappointed.  That is what I am doing with my weekend, should be fun.  A lot funner if I could get past this feeling I would think, maybe by this afternoon I will feel better.

20 Days

and counting since I quit smoking.  I am so proud of myself.  I have several of my teammates that smoke and I only had 1 puff of a cigarette all weekend. It confirmed I don’t like it!  I have been stressed out and angry and I have wanted to go out and have a smoke bur i fought the urge.  With the tragic death of those 4 young men it made me want to light up since it still makes me so incredibly sad to think about. 

I have saved approximately $40, although you can’t tell in my bank account.  I haven’t gained any weight and I don’t feel any different.  I have been coughing a little this past week which I think seems weird.  I don’t have more energy or less.  I wasn’t less winded playing softball for 6 straight hours on Sunday!    I was hoping for some real results but oh well!  I am not going to pick up the habit again!

That’s all for my horn tooting today!

I love Denton America

http://www.greatfallstribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080725/NEWS01/807250316&referrer=FRONTPAGECAROUSEL

I sit here this morning at my desk trying to get a handle on myself.  I am reeling from the funeral for those 4 young men yesterday.  I have cried and cried since I left that little town I called home for 2 years.  I can’t even begin to imagine how the parents feel.  They were so strong and collected yesterday, trying to comfort those who showed up for their son’s memorial. How wrong does that seem?  The whole situation is wrong, and I know that no one will ever understand why the lives of these 4 young men were taken so tragically. 

I knew those boys mainly from being a substitute teacher in that small community for 2 years.  I got to know them pretty darn well in that time and remember how great they were.  That town treats everyone as family from the minute you move into town.  The first day I was there, they guys at the tire store, the postmaster and the lady who owned the grocery store knew my name…even though I had no idea what theirs was.  It only took me that morning to find out. 

Everyone’s child belongs to the whole community.  I love that place.  Being there yesterday reminded me how much I truly miss every single person there.  I hugged one of my favorite students yesterday, he lost both his brothers.  He is such a sweet kid and always has a smile on his face.  His strength is amazing to me.  I hurt for him although it was great to see that smile on his face.  It will take a long long time for that community to heal from such an awful accident. 

God has his fingertips at each one of our pulses and he decides when he is going to take us each home.  I know that I will hug my kids more and work on my patience with them.  I love my children, on Saturday July 19th I was reminded how fragile life is.  That there is not a guarantee that we will die before our children.  I have cried every day since last Saturday, especially when I look at my children and think of those parents who go to bed knowing that their boys’ bedrooms are empty.

I am still not cried out today and my kids aren’t awake yet so I am going to cry a few more tears and not take today for granted. 

http://www.greatfallstribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080725/NEWS01/807250316&referrer=FRONTPAGECAROUSEL

This morning’s article…Denton has a population of 300 people (from the 2000 census)

Please pray for them!

Trying to Understand

I got a very upsetting phone call yesterday.  It was news about a very tragic accident that involved 6 teenagers that we knew in the town we lived in 2 years ago.  That town has a population of 300, they are all family, the kids belong to everyone in that town.  Only 2 of those 6 teens survived.  The accident took place around 10 AM yesterday.  The driver hit the shoulder of the road, over corrected and landed  in the ditch and the car came to a rest on the roof.  The car then caught on fire.  They don’t know at this time which of the 4 were killed by the accident or the fire.  Although 1 boy was alive but died at the hospital. 

It took me a couple hours to wrap my brain around what happened.  It hit me like a ton of bricks when I hugged and kissed my own kids good night.  I can’t imagine what my friends,the parents, are going through.  One couple lost 2 of their 3 boys.  How does their brother feel now being the only child?  There was another set of brothers, the driver who was killed and his little brother who was one of the 2 that jumped out of the car right away.  The other boy leaves 2 older brothers and 1 little brother who adored him. 

So many questions of why are going through so many people’s minds today and will for a very long time to come I am sure.  I can’t even imagine how getting cards in the mail or flowers delivered  will even console during  a time like this. 

It’s a horrible thing, and makes me realize that we are not in control of our lives, nor our children’s.  They are here as long as the Lord wants them to be with  us.  We are here for as long as the Lord wants us to be with them.  I hope these families can find some comfort during this horrible time in the Lord.  I think that faith will carry you through the most tragic events, even if that event is so horrible.  I don’t know why kids have to die such a tragic death and I pray those boys were killed by the accident and not the fire. 

If you read this please pray for these families and this community.  The town will be greatly affected by this for a long long time to come. 

http://www.greatfallstribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080720/NEWS01/807200304

My Lifestyle

I am making some lifestyle changes in my life and I can’t decide yet if it’s all that!  I am on day 7 of no smoking, although I have tried & tried over & over to quit I am more determined than ever this time.  I have to get through this day since I know that day 7 can be a hard day!  The fact that I am facing surgery and my dr told me how long it will take to recover if I am smoking scared me.  Which seems silly to me since there are a lot of scary things about smoking and this is what made me decide.  Better this than nothing.

I have also started keeping  an online food/fitness journal.  It’s interesting to see if I eat more calories than burn and I am doing a lot better than I thought I would be doing.  I have a definite sweet tooth but I am still not eating  more calories than I am burning so that is ok I suppose.  I don’t want to gain weight and I suppose with quitting my smoking that I will gain a bit.  Again this is spurred by my foot, with my foot bothering all the time I feel I sit a lot more.  I am glad to see that I am burning a couple thousand calories a day!

I can thank Jillian Micheals for assisting me in my burning calories.  I am in the middle of her 30 day shred video.  I like the video a lot and I am on day 11 (as of today) and so far I haven’t noticed any difference.  I workout 5 days a week and her workout takes 30 minutes from warm up to cool down.  I love this workout since it is short and I can continue to walk for the rest of the day.  I will have to post any changes after I have done 30 workouts with Jillian.  If I don’t have any results I think I will disappointed but we will see!  I am not getting any younger and hopefully with these lifestyle changes my aging will be less painful!