It’s Time September 7, 2008

I have decided since I get to actually stay at home today, that it’s time for an update.

August was filled with craziness even though school hadn’t started.  I started working and this school year I have 2 new bosses.  A new principal and a new superintendent.  They are great people and good to work with, I don’t know why I had lost sleep almost the whole week before.  School has since started and things are going good.  Crazy but a good crazy.

The county fair was over Labor day weekend.  It went really well.  This was Bailee’s first year and she did great.  Blake had an awesome fair as well.  He was Grand Champion Showman for sheep and got reserve Grand Champion in poultry showmanship.  He got 2 purple ribbons for his cooking projects and Bailee got a purple and a blue.  Purple being the best, then blue, then red, then white.  That is how the ribbons go.  They get paid a premium for each ribbon they get.  The higher the ribbon the more they make.  they sold their lambs and it was hard to say good bye to Bay (Bailee’s lamb) and Larry the Cable Sheep.  I did remind them how much they made at the sale.  Blake got $8.75 per pound (Larry weighed in at 122 and Bailee got $7 per pound for Bay. (Bay weighed in at 107).  Even though feed was out the roof this year they still made some good money. 

My baby started school this past week.  What a sad yet such an exiting time.  I swear I would never be out of toddler hood, now all my kids are in school all day.  I am thinking of taking a personal day and sitting at home to see how it would be.  I bet I would be sad for the most part cuz it reminds me how much older I am, how so soon my kids will actually be out of my house.  Beau loves school and was quite frustrated when they didn’t use their pencils for like 2 days.  He had just colored and used his crayons and apparently to him that was not what school was about.  I am just happy he is doing well. 

Today marks the day that my dad died 2 years ago.  I can’t believe he has really been gone for 2 years.  I miss him so much, there have been so many times that I would want to call him and be reminded that I can’t.  His death was so premature and I can’t believe that it’s so hard to deal with even after all this time. 

My kids are now beckoning me to help them with their record books…that is the down fall to 4-H these darn record books.  They certainly are a struggle to get the kids to get done.

Trying to Understand July 20, 2008

I got a very upsetting phone call yesterday.  It was news about a very tragic accident that involved 6 teenagers that we knew in the town we lived in 2 years ago.  That town has a population of 300, they are all family, the kids belong to everyone in that town.  Only 2 of those 6 teens survived.  The accident took place around 10 AM yesterday.  The driver hit the shoulder of the road, over corrected and landed  in the ditch and the car came to a rest on the roof.  The car then caught on fire.  They don’t know at this time which of the 4 were killed by the accident or the fire.  Although 1 boy was alive but died at the hospital. 

It took me a couple hours to wrap my brain around what happened.  It hit me like a ton of bricks when I hugged and kissed my own kids good night.  I can’t imagine what my friends,the parents, are going through.  One couple lost 2 of their 3 boys.  How does their brother feel now being the only child?  There was another set of brothers, the driver who was killed and his little brother who was one of the 2 that jumped out of the car right away.  The other boy leaves 2 older brothers and 1 little brother who adored him. 

So many questions of why are going through so many people’s minds today and will for a very long time to come I am sure.  I can’t even imagine how getting cards in the mail or flowers delivered  will even console during  a time like this. 

It’s a horrible thing, and makes me realize that we are not in control of our lives, nor our children’s.  They are here as long as the Lord wants them to be with  us.  We are here for as long as the Lord wants us to be with them.  I hope these families can find some comfort during this horrible time in the Lord.  I think that faith will carry you through the most tragic events, even if that event is so horrible.  I don’t know why kids have to die such a tragic death and I pray those boys were killed by the accident and not the fire. 

If you read this please pray for these families and this community.  The town will be greatly affected by this for a long long time to come. 

http://www.greatfallstribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080720/NEWS01/807200304

And Now I Know April 12, 2008

My oldest got his first refocus in school.  A refocus is a warning in class when you aren’t following the rules, disrupting class etc…  He got it for talking and I am so disappointed in him.  I know he is a kid and he should be a kid however I don’t want my kids to be disrespectful at all.  It bugs me how I hold my kids to such a high standard.  I have high expectations from them and at times I think I am plenty hard on them.  I don’t think I will be able to change that in me.  What bugged me is how the person he got a refocus with was thinking it was funny and was like Blake and I got a refocus.  Blake got his first and it was funny.  That is not what you say to his mother for one.  He must not know me very well, and when I asked Blake if that was the truth he said yes it was and that he will explain after school.  I just walked off and didn’t talk to Blaker.  I felt bad for reacting this way but I wasn’t about to embarrass him in the lunch room.  He came and told me that this kid in fact kept saying his name over and over and over and so Blake answered him time and time again and that is why he got a refocus.  I explained how he needs to make good choices and that he is responsible for his own actions and you don’t blame it on other people.  As we were talking about this in my office after school…me more with my voice raised since Blake was of course arguing his point, his teacher was in the lounge across the hall.  Wonder what she thinks now.  Oh well, life is full of firsts and I am more frustrated with my parenting than I have ever been.  I feel as if I don’t know how to discipline and that no matter what I say or do it doesn’t help his attitude.  I think that with me working at the school is just too close to me, and that dad will have to handle the discipline at home when the kids get in trouble at school.

Blake is off the computer for the weekend and has to help clean the house, although that is nothing new.  Might be an awful weekend battling him but it will be worth it.

They got me good! April 11, 2008

I never gave it 2 thoughts that is was April’s Fools day and I had a great prank played on me.  I was oblivious that it would be me the brunt of that joke.  I knew it was April Fool’s day since on the way to work I stopped the car and told my kids to get out and walk to school.  As they were about in tears I said “April Fool’s”  and we all laughed.  Here is how the prank played on me played out.

It all started at 9 a.m.  My oldest came into my office, walked right past me into the principals office.  He didn’t look at me or anything…I did notice the write up in his hands.  He has never had a write up in his life…not even a refocus (which in our school is a warning).  I say to Blake, “Blake Toyne is that a write up?!”  and there was no answer from him.  The principal was talking with a teacher and I told Blake to come out into the office and sit in the chairs out in my office until the principal is ready to talk to you.  The principal says to me, “he is fine, Blake just sit in that chair.”  Ok fine, I was starting to shake I was so mad at Blake and my mind was realing as to what he had done.  I go to the copy room to make some copies and the principal comes to me and says, “Mrs. Toyne we need to talk to you in my office”  Oh shit!  He was dead serious and I thought he would for sure tell me before we got to his office what Blake had done.  No such luck.  I step into his office, he tells me that Blake has a “who cares” attitude and I start yelling at Blake.  He is never to disrespect anyone, that behavior isn’t tolerated.  You know the rules of the school and you borke them…on and on and on.  I wasn’t done yelling at Blake when the principal states that I need to sign that write up and so I go to sign and I see,”Happy April Fool’s”  Omg I about died and I went out into my office and sat in the chair!

Hysterical!!!  I think they should have had it on Candid Camera.  The teacher involved, Blake and the principal did an awesome job of carrying this out.  I just feel bad about how I know what my reaction will be when my kids get sent to the principal’s office!  I think I will try not to yell so loud though.  I had the teachers in the lounge wondering what had happened when they heard me yelling.  It was Blake’s idea with some great help from his  teacher!  I will never forget April Fool’s day again!

Age of Innocence December 31, 2007

Now that my 2 oldest can read they are always checking out the headlines on the magazines in the checkout lane.  The topic this weekend was Jamie Lynn Spears.  Bailee was certain that you couldn’t even get pregnant until you were 18 and she is only 16 so how does that happen?  Blake is like she is Zoey on Zoey 101 and why would she get pregnant.  Will the show still run?  Lots of questions from my 2 and the gentlemen that was checking us out suddenly went faster and faster as to get us out of their and stop our conversation on this little lady being pregnant.  Bailee was certain that the magazine was indeed telling lies as she knows that she is not pregnant because she doesn’t look pregnant.  Too funny.  Blake was disgusted by his sister’s naive behavior.  He is also disgusted that she is pregnant.  Why?  Who knows?!

What I find scary is how even my own kiddo’s look upon these stars.  I guess they are getting  to the age of crushes, and role models being on TV.  I was hoping they wouldn’t but with this news my daughter now thinks it would be fine to get pregnant when your that young because Zoey did…well Jamie.  What an awesome time to talk to my daughter about all of this and instill our beliefs on this subject.  

I reflect today on their innocence that is being taken away from them in a way by seeing their Disney star be a teen mom and have it be all over the news, magazines etc….  I know day by day their innocence will be taken away, I am just not ready for that.  I still have peace of mind that they look to me for their guidance as that will soon be over as well.

I have to thank Zoey for making us talk about this subject…even if it started at the Safeway Check out lane!

It’s Official December 13, 2007

I have been a mother for 10 years.  I cannot believe that these past 10 years have flown by.  My oldest is 10 and its so surreal.  I somehow thought that it would be different, I don’t know why or how.  Maybe I thought I would feel old, or look old or something but I don’t and I have a 10 year old son.  I am out of baby hood and I love it. 

Low Down December 8, 2007

It’s been an incredibly busy week and this weekend isn’t looking any slower.  I worked 12 hours on Tuesday and Wednesday due to parent/teacher conferences at our school.  At least we ate good.  Chinese on Tuesday and pizza on Wednesday.  My hubby doesn’t like chinese food at all and therefore we don’t eat it.  My oldest and I are the only ones that do and so that cuisine is always out when we go out to eat. 

Conferences went well.  I have to say I dread conferences like no other.  They have rarely went well….Blake’s always starts out as “He is such a sweet and polite kid, but”  and the rest is history.  In the words of Dr. Phil (not that I get to watch him anymore) when you use the word “but” forget everything I just said.  So I just hear the negatives.  This year was different which I am ever so grateful for.

Blake’s teacher is so freaken awesome.  I love her.  I work with her so personally I really like her but as a teacher she is great.  She has such high expectations and that is a good thing.  The kids know exactly what to expect, she makes it incredibly clear.  They have planners and if the parent reads it, they aren’t suppose to sign it if the child hasn’t done the work in it.  We had a night where we coudln’t figure out Blake’s math homework.  I called her at home, which was a little disturbing to me to do, and she wasn’t home.  She didn’t return the phone call and I knew she was going to be gone the next morning.  I did not sign the planner, Blake cried for 3 hours that night about his home work and knew he was going to get a re-focus for it.  It was a good learning example for him and the rest of the class.  Blake has never once had a write up or refocus so this was incredibly disheartening for him but like I todl him there are some things that you can’t control, I will not sign it since the homework wasn’t done, and repeater her words to him.  “I give you refocuses because I care about you”  She wants them to be responsible and aware and I respect that.  She did not give Blake a refocus since the title I teacher didn’t get it either.  4th grade curriculum is truly hard for everyone involved.  She took Blake aside and explained that she knows he tried his hardest and had him take his planner to me to sign with a note that she respects that we respect her rules but as long as they try to sign. 

Her conference she couldn’t express enough how much she treasures my son which makes me want to cry when I think of the nice things she said about him, me and my family.  She is not one to sugar coat things and will tell me if she thought otherwise.  She thinks he is a jewel.  This is Blake’s first year since 2nd grade he has been in the classroom for English, Spelling and Math with no even an aide.  He still recieves resource for reading and that is it.  He is doing really well for that and his teacher thinks that he doens’t need to go back that he is doing fine.  He did end up with 2 C’s which is was so upset with.  She reminded him and I reminded him that C is average and that isn’t bad.  He tries so hard all the time and reading spills into everything he does and the better he gets at reading the better he will be at math and spelling.  I am very proud of my little man who will someday be rewarded for all his hard work.  I think of the obstacles he has had to overcome academically and he has just come so far.  It will be a daily struggle probably for the rest of his life.  As most dyslexic’s he has come up wth coping strategies that he really needs to undo and his resource teacher is working hard with him to get that done.

Bailee is doing awesome.  School is easy for her.  This is the first year for letter grades for her and she got all A’s and B’s.  If she would try a little harder than her B’s could easily become A’s.  I relate to her.  School always came easy to me.  I never studied and always brought home A’s and B’s and I was satisfied with that, as were my parents.  Now if we could get her to participate in group discussions that would be a huge step although her teacher sees her coming out of her shell a little bit.  No behavior issues with her.

I am very pleased with the conferences and actually look forward to the next ones which is a total first.

We had the big Bull sale on Thursday and it went well although the roads getting there were terrible.  Firday I went to yet another Bull sale at the ranch my brother in law works for and then headed to the big town and finished Blake’s birthday shopping and my christmas shopping.

Blake will be 10 on Tuesday which seems so unreal for me.  I think tho that Petsmart sold me a dead hermit crab…darn thing hasn’t moved one time.  I know its guaranteed for 14 days but this town is 2 hours from here and its hard to get there.  His birthday party is today and then Bailee has a birthday party for her little friend right after wards.  I will be in town all darn day. 

Tomorrow Blake serves at church and we start off another work week.  At least most my xmas gifts are shipped, yes I did majority of my shopping online but with free shipping how can 1 resist?

That is my week in a nutshell, no I haven’t decorated my house for xmas, I put up the tree that’s it and is still doesnt have the topper on it.  I haven’t cooked dinner in a week and its time to get off the computer and get my day started and get my stuff done, like my xmas letter and the kids’ pictures takes so I can get them in the mail…..the list never ends…

Protected: You got to move it move it… November 26, 2007

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Home September 4, 2007

Wow what a weekend.  I never knew that the county fair would be so exhausting, exciting and yet so devasting.  I am so proud of my oldest child.  That kid showed me and everyone else that he is truly a responsible, kind hearted, patient and calm kiddo.  He is much too grown up for his age.  Lets recap our events.

Wednesday ~ We checked in the sheep, Joe.  That means we got him all set up in his pen and weighed in so we knew which class he was going to show in. 

Thursday ~ We check in the chicken, Cow and Blake’s cooking exhibits.  I was home with Beau and Bailee while Cody and Blake went in.  They check in the chicken first and then decide to look at the horses while Blake is carrying his plate of cookies and brownies.  Low and behold Blake drops his cookies on the ground breaking 2 of the 6.  Nice.  That evening Blake shows Joe in market (where they decide which is the best lamb by muscle, length etc)  and in showmanship (where the kid is judged on how well he shows his animal).  Market Blake places right in the middle of his class hence getting himself a blue ribbon.  If anyone is familiar w/ 4-H this judge just gave blue and red ribbons.  Blue being the better of the 2.  In showmanship Blake was in the top 5 for his group.  He gets another blue ribbon!  He did so good and never let the booger of sheep go even though one of the many times the sheep jumped up and got his hoof hooked on Blake’s belt buckle.  An eventful day!  The inlaws were here and I mean all the inlaws.  Which is a whole different post!

Friday ~ We have the chicken show or more politically correct, the poultry show.  Yes you actually show the chicken.  The judge only asked 40 some questions of the kids.  Blake was one of 3 in the group and ended up last but with a purple ribbon.  He will never forget what a multi purpose chicken is.  During the market part of the chicken judging the animals just stay in their cages.  Blake ended up with a blue ribbon.  The judge said the bird was sun bleached. I was like well they do stay outside?  Blake didn’t get a chance to ask her but he is going to research it.   He also had his cooking interview.  I fore warn him not to be upset when he gets a red or white ribbon for his broken cookies.  His brownies were also not good…cooked too long and flat anyways little shit comes out with a purple for his broken cookies and a blue for his brownies.  Apparently appearance isn’t much when being judged and he ends up with the Best Food exhibit.  Holy Shit is what I said.

Saturday ~ in town by 6:15 a.m. to get the animals fed so we can work at the concession stand that the 4-H clubs have at 7.  We does mean me included.  We worked until noon and then got the sheep ready for the sale that afternoon.  Blake sells his sheep for $7 a pound.  Joe weighed 119 lbs.  that is over $800 people.  Wow is what I say…damn lucky kid!

Sunday ~ The last official day.  Blake has to work concessions again for the Livestock judging group and he wanted to so I let him.  He has the awards ceremony to go to.    Kiddo got a trophy for his best food exhibit and a trophy for the Herdsman boy.  The herdsman trophy is a big deal.  You don’t know who judges it and it for the kid, a boy and girl, who take care of their animal, make sure they are always fed and watered and pens are cleaned etc…I almost cried when they said his name.  It was this night that my little boys world came crashing down on him.  It was 8 p.m.  time to check Joe out.  Blake gets his poster, ribbons and buckets out of the pen.  Joe has jumped on Blake with his front hoofs on Blake’s shoulders while Blake collects his stuff.  Blake said he does that every time Blake wears a hat.  Blake gives Joe a little rub onthe nose and Joe gives a little “baaa” and we leave.  Both of us in tears as this is the last time we will see Joe.  But it wasn’t as we forgot our crate full of stuff that we had to go get.  Blake goes back and comes back in tears again.  My heart is breaking for my little dude.  He holds it together for the most part while we were at the fair visiting.  We get home and we cried together for a long time.  Cody tells me “Heidi, its just a sheep”  I know that darnit but my babies heart is breaking.

Blake spent every day several times a day with that lamb for the past 4 months.  I hardly ever had to help him and never once had to remind him to take care of his animals.  I am beaming with pride with what my son accomplished and I am so glad that his hard work and dedication was recognized! 

I am crying with pride as I write this entry.  I can’t put into words how blessed I am to have a son like him.

Update July 26, 2007

It seems to have been awhile since I updated.  So I thought I would get that done. 

Blake ~ was gone for 12 days as he was with his grandparents for that time.   He went  and helped them move cows and he decided that he needed a new horse as his was kind of pain.  His horse would be the perfect dude horse.  He is 9 1/2 years old and growing like a weed.  He will be as tall as me in another year and its not like I am short.  I am 5’8 and I cannot believe how he just eats and eats and grows and grows.  He has been getting pretty lippy and it drives me crazy because if its one thing Blake has never been is a trouble maker.  He has never caused me any problems with his behavior but I see that changing.  Its not a bad thing.  He has an opion and wants it heard which is fine but he has to do it with respect to his mom and dad.  He played baseball and did swim lessons and besides his trip to WY he hasn’t wanted to do anything else. 

Bailee ~ she just finished cheer camp last week and once I got her there she has enjoyed it.  Although cheering isn’t going to be her thing.  I have never had to force Bailee to do anything.  She forgot she wanted to do this and when the time came to do it she cried and cried.  That threw me for a loop a little but I did make her go and she had a good time.  She is 8 1/2 now and growing too.  I can’t believe she is going into the 3rd grade.  I have issues with her being so mean especially to Beau.  She threw a sprinkler at him and hit him in the head.  I about flipped but Cody did first.  She really needs to understand that her anger needs to be in check.  She has no patience and it may be an interesting school year if she doesn’t start controlling it.  Otherwise she is our “good” child.  She did swim lessons and went to stay with her cousin for  5 days.  She enjoyed being gone from home which makes me wonder if she likes being at home.  She has been going to day care and she has found it pretty boring but she doesn’t want to go with her dad while I am at work either. 

Beau ~ just learned to ride his bike without training wheels!  We were all so excited for him until he realized he doesn’t want to ride by himself.  Someone has to always go on a bike ride with him.  It’s getting old and driving us all crazy.  I hope Beca doesn’ t see his photo with no helmet on..she would lecture me and I would deserve it.  He is getting so tall as well.  He will not go to kindergarten this year and his preschool teacher got a job at the school and so far no applicants for a preschool teacher.  Should be interesting time.  His teacher sent him a postcard telling him she wasn’t teaching anymore and he cried.  It was so sad and cute.  He loved her.  He also did swim lessons this summer and loved him and was all over it and now he won’t wash his hair without my help.  He falls so quickly backwards.  I don’t get it most times. He is my challenge as far as discipline goes.  When he is good he is so good but watch out when he is bad…its scary.

Cody ~ has been working like crazy.  Building fence in the 100 degree weather.  He isn’t getting any younger and that kind of work takes a toll on him.  I think he would like to quit ranch work yet I don’t think he would like many other jobs.  His boss has been really nice to him and I think its because he knows another ranch is trying to hire him.  Little does his boss know he won’t make a laternal move in his career let alone move his family again.  He is doing well and we have been getting along prett okay and really stepping up since I have been working.  He doesn’t like it but realizes that if we want more for our famly…like a home and me a retirement…I have to work.  He is still trimming hoofs and got a newer pickup and trying to find a radio that will work in it!  I couldn’t imagine driving long distances with out something to listen to.  He is so strong!

Me ~ well still playing softball till this weekend.  Making some new friends with some ladies on my team.  They are the ones that remind how nice it is to be married and not single and lonely.  I couldn’t stand being back in the dating scene and makes me really thankful for the family I have.  I am in a job dilema but it will work out I think.  I am applying for a school secretary position and going to quit my customer service rep job I have now.  I will probably put my 2 weeks in tomorrow and if I get the school job I will be able to train for 2 weeks before school starts and if I don’t get that job then I will hang out with my kids for those 2 weeks before school starts and start subbing.  The ranch Cody works for approached me with an option to go to work for them.  The head secretary is leaving the operation.  In other words she is married to a brother and she is leaving him.  That is a bridge we will come to when they approach me again.  They are tightwads all the family and I can’t imagine being at their beck and call more than I already am!  We will wait and see what the Lord has in store for me and my family.

We are doing well on a whole and actually were invited over for dinner with a family I think is totally awesome!  We had a great time and now I am trying to decide hwo soon is too soon to have them over for dinner!  I hate to be stalker friends but it is so nice to have a couple to do things with too!